Did Romeo Even Love Juliet?

How a Classic Tragedy Reflects a Private Struggle with Mental Health.

“But soft, what light through yonder window breaks?”

Romeo stalking Juliet from beneath her balcony is an enduring trope on young love. It’s come to symbolize the immaturity and hyperbole of teenage romance, but what’s almost always overlooked is Romeo’s much darker words preceding the “but soft” line:

“He jests at scars that never felt a wound.”

As a playwright, I focus intently on the mental health of my characters; what are their expectations, and why? Are they reasonable or delusional? Are they selfless or narcissistic? A lot of inspiration comes from trying to understand my own battles with social anxiety and depression. From my time in psychotherapy, I’ve learned to understand that resolving mental health problems often begins with how you rephrase them. It’s a life lesson applicable to dramaturgy as well.

It has affected how I interpret the crowd of complex characters created by William Shakespeare, and namely Romeo, truly one of his darkest creations. Lines throughout the play — ones by and about the supposed star-crossed lover — are solid evidence that his suicide has little to do with love, but rather a deeply seeded and growing struggle with Major Depressive Disorder.

Romeo is Having an Episode in Act I

“…people who are depressed isolate themselves and withdraw from social connections…”

— Heidi Godman, Harvard Health Publishing

The tragedy of Romeo and Juliet begins with it’s hero presumably sulking most of the time.

MONTAGUE
But all so soon as the all-cheering sun
Should in the farthest east begin to draw
The shady curtains from Aurora’s bed,
Away from light steals home my heavy son
And private in his chamber pens himself,
Shuts up his windows, locks fair daylight out,
And makes himself an artificial night.

Throughout the first few scenes of the play, Romeo is off stage and beyond his family’s comprehension. His father, friends and other relatives are unable to connect with him. No one knows how to help him, because they’ve never seen him behave this way before.

BENVOLIO
My noble uncle, do you know the cause?

MONTAGUE
I neither know it nor can learn of him.
Both by myself and many other friends.
But he, his own affections’ counselor,
Is to himself — I will not say how true,
But to himself so secret and so close,
So far from sounding and discovery,
As is the bud bit with an envious worm
Ere he can spread his sweet leaves to the air
Or dedicate his beauty to the same.

When Benvolio confronts Romeo, he manages to pinpoint why he seems so gloomy. He figures out its because Romeo is experiencing unrequited love toward Rosaline, a woman he finds to be the most attractive in all of Verona. Benvolio tries to comfort and ease his mind, but Romeo only elaborates more on a mood he feels will never leave him.

ROMEO
Griefs of mine own lie heavy in my breast,
Which thou wilt propagate to have it pressed
With more of thine. This love that thou hast shown
Doth add more grief too much of mine own.

Today, the word grief is strongly associated with mourning the loss of a loved one, but in Shakespeare’s day, it only meant to have an immense amount of sadness. Grief itself is a common theme throughout the play, and often pertains not only to Romeo’s emotional pain, but his sense that it is near physical in its presence.

ROMEO
Love is a smoke made with the fume of sighs;
Being purged, a fire sparkling in lovers’ eyes;
Being vexed, a sea nourished with loving tears.
What is it else? A madness most discreet,
A choking gall, and a preserving sweet.

Romeo is juxtaposing the physical pain of inhaling smoke, with the simplicity of developing a crush. The idea of love seems to be suffocating him, seemingly on the surface just an exaggerated expression of overbearing thoughts, but in fact are his way of expressing an extreme sensitivity to unmet expectations.

Another common symptom of MDD is constant sluggishness, also visible in Romeo’s lines when he is convinced to crash the Capulet party that night.

ROMEO
Give me a torch. I am not for this ambling.
Being but heavy, I will bear the light.

MERCUTIO
Nay, gentle Romeo, we must have you dance.

ROMEO
Not I, believe me. You have dancing shoes
With nimble soles. I have a soul of lead
So stakes me to the ground I cannot move.

Shortly after, Romeo expresses suicidal thoughts in a monologue as he’s about to head to the House of Capulet:

BENVOLIO
This wind you talk of blows us from ourselves.
Supper is done, and we shall come too late.

ROMEO
I fear too early, for my mind misgives
Some consequence yet hanging in the stars
Shall bitterly begin his fearful date
With this night’s revels, and expire the term
Of a despisèd life closed in my breast
By some vile forfeit of untimely death.
But he that hath the steerage of my course
Direct my sail. On, lusty gentlemen.

Although date, expire and forfeit are neutral terms to us, Shakespeare is expressing Romeo’s pain through 16th century financial terminology. His emotions are piling up, like someone whose debts are growing at an unstoppable rate. Grief has reached a point no longer sustainable to his personal economy, thus he will have to forfeit — like what defaulting on a loan means today — on life. His endless torment is a near-physical experience getting worse. He’s not expressing some random premonition on death (as often seems to be the artistic direction in plays), but a fantasy of his own suicide, repressed and re-translated into iambic representation.

Romeo tags along and crashes the party, despite the serious risk of violence that may ensue if he’s discovered. For a more knowledgeable audience, the plot thickens with proof of psychological indicators. He’s clearly having an episode, and is making a really bad choice because he’s losing the will to live.

“Major negative experiences — trauma, loss of a loved one, a difficult relationship, or any stressful situation that overwhelms the ability to cope — may trigger a depressive episode. Subsequent depressive episodes may occur with or without an obvious trigger. ” — Psychology Today

If he were in a psychiatric waiting room, Romeo would check-mark all the above. From intense sadness to constant sluggishness, from escaping his pain by masking it with hopeful thoughts on the power of love, to the physical pain he receives just thinking about it; Romeo’s “sail” is a constantly shifting state of mind, a navigation system prone to high-risk activity, like a teen that drives under the influence.

Romeo shows multiple symptoms of MDD as his lines move through a morbid emphasis on suffocation, suicide and death throughout the first act. Most importantly, he seems physically tormented by his unrequited love. Conventionally, an audience perceives his affection as a fickle, sexual desire unfulfilled by the target, and resolved when he discovers Juliet at the Capulet party. But in fact, the happiness he finds in Juliet is just another masquerade of emotions, another desperate attempt by a young man not falling in love, but falling apart.

Romeo is a Mixed Features Depressive

“You may think that feeling sad or emotional is always the main symptom of depression. But for many men, that isn’t the primary symptom. ..long-term pain can sometimes indicate depression, so can seeking distraction to avoid dealing with feelings or relationships.” — Psychology Today

One of the biggest misconceptions about depression is that it’s one solid state. It’s actually more than seven, each manifesting differently within any given personality. There is Seasonal Depressive, which can occur when you don’t get enough sunlight. There is Postpartum Depressive, which results from childbirth. And of course there is what Romeo is showing strong signs of; the Mixed Features Depressive, a form of MDD where the person experiences intense episodes of depression, and just as intense episodes of mania.

In just one day, a Mixed Depressive can go from feeling completely worthless, to extremely high levels of joy; from feeling too tired to get out of bed, to a sudden, increased, even extroverted amount of energy.

ROMEO
O, she doth teach the torches to burn bright!
It seems she hangs upon the cheek of night
As a rich jewel in an Ethiop’s ear —
Beauty too rich for use, for Earth too dear.
So shows a snowy dove trooping with crows

At the Capulet party, Romeo ruminates and seems to suddenly exist as if Rosaline is no longer a burden on his being. His thoughts on love rapidly transform into profound joy the moment he spots Juliet. Light — treated as if it were a symbol of pain in the previous few scenes — abruptly represents an enchanted, almost magical euphoria. The very torch of life that burdens his soul is suddenly worth ambling.

Through conventional interpretation, Romeo is just a fickle, pubescent young man, replacing one sexual desire for another, as Friar Lawrence says in Act II, scene III, “…is Rosaline, that thou didst love so dear, so soon forsaken? Young men’s love then lies not truly in their hearts, but in their eyes.” Romeo explains it’s because his love is reciprocated: “I pray thee, chide me not. Her I love now. Doth grace for grace and love for love allow. The other did not so.”

The friar may have a rather timeless point, but Romeo through the lens of mental health is not actually in love. He’s masking his pain by escaping it through a new, replaceable fixation: Juliet is now the most attractive girl in Verona, not Rosaline.

“When depression occurs in men, it may be masked by unhealthy coping behavior. For a number of reasons, male depression often goes undiagnosed and can have devastating consequences when it goes untreated.”

— Mayo Clinic

Convention dictates Romeo is just an extremely tragic case of love at first sight, but is it ever enough to blame pure chance? What explains this bi-polar shift from immense pain to intense joy? Could it really just be some reciprocal feelings of love? What if Romeo’s escaping these uncontrollable, unknowable feelings through Juliet, his new hope, his new desperate attempt at feeling joy?

Throughout my teens, I denied I had a serious form of depression. I told myself I was being emo, because that’s how society conditioned me to feel about my mood. I always told myself this because whenever I entered a long phase of intense sadness, I’d come out of it anxious, excited, even more ambitious than before. I figured my personality was just a roller coaster between a lot of highs and a lot of lows. It became my own convention, because even a sign of hope that it could be better felt too good to be true.

ROMEO
O blessèd, blessèd night! I am afeard,
Being in night, all this is but a dream,
Too flattering sweet to be substantial.

Romeo Has Highly Unrealistic Expectations

TYBALT
Romeo, the love I bear thee can afford
No better term than this: thou art a villain.

ROMEO
Tybalt, the reason that I have to love thee
Doth much excuse the appertaining rage
To such a greeting. Villain am I none.
Therefore farewell. I see thou knowest me not.

Tybalt — Juliet’s older cousin — has been looking for him, presumably to confront him for crashing the Capulet party. No one is aware Romeo just tied the knot, but he fiddled around the idea as if another violent confrontation would not erupt. Instead of just leaving (when it would’ve been smarter to just avoid any Capulet altogether), he awkwardly, and inexplicably behaves self-righteously, to the point it seems condescending.

TYBALT
Boy, this shall not excuse the injuries
That thou hast done me. Therefore turn and draw.

ROMEO
I do protest I never injured thee
But love thee better than thou canst devise
Till thou shalt know the reason of my love.
And so, good Capulet, which name I tender
As dearly as mine own, be satisfied.

Instead of showing up out of nowhere, why not just tell Benvolio to send Tybalt to him privately? Or spend time figuring out how to tell Juliet’s father before (another) confrontation erupts on the streets?

Romeo’s sense of timing doesn’t make sense, unless you understand he’s been tunneling another tower of repressed emotions. That huge pile of debt he felt was killing his soul? It’s still there, in every aspect of his environment: the gang-like conflict between the families, his escapist marriage that was done only a few hours ago, losing his virginity (and taking Juliet's) — all things he’ll have to be answerable to eventually, but would rather believe will resolve themselves.

Romeo’s awkward confrontation leads to his brother-like friend Mercutio’s death. His sail shifts once again, as if were all just a dream. He draws his sword to fight Tybalt, ostensibly to preserve his family’s honor, the very honor he was not afraid of losing when he secretly tied the knot with a Capulet.

ROMEO
…fire-eyed fury be my conduct now. —
Now, Tybalt, take the “villain” back again

He ends up killing Tybalt, something virtually predictable if you were going by logic. Who in the middle of a brawl between the Bloods and Crips would be surprised someone ended up dying? Is it all that rational to show up at a potential brawl and profess your love for someone, and also not explain why you love them? Who would just show up saying I love you and not expect it to turn out badly? Only someone who’s mental health was out of order, and suffering one of Major Depressive Disorder’s major symptoms: highly unrealistic expectations.

“In most cases, unrealistic expectations positively correlate with issues with control and power…this is a way for them to make their actions fit into their high expectations.”

— Dr. John A. Johnson, Psychology Today

Just as he was extremely sensitive to an unmet expectation with Rosaline, Romeo is triggered by a highly unrealistic expectation as a result of eloping with Juliet. He simultaneously believes it will overpower the anger between families, while telling no one that it happened. If he were alive today, Romeo would be seen making really poor choices, conjuring up a driving force of risk that no expert would forecast turning out well for him.

After murdering Tybalt, he hides at Friar Lawrence’s cell.

ROMEO
O, tell me, friar, tell me,
In what vile part of this anatomy
Doth my name lodge? Tell me, that I may sack
The hateful mansion.

*He draws his dagger.

He is literally trying to kill himself at this point.

The House of Montague is Extremely Stressed Out

MONTAGUE
Alas, my liege, my wife is dead to-night!
Grief of my son’s exile hath stopped her breath.

Depression is a hereditary trait, and can manifest in other family members through extreme amounts of stress. In this case, Lord Montague is a shining example of someone, due to the lack of his era’s knowledge, is failing to realize his wife and son share the same depressed personalities; their feelings of grief are symbiotic.

“Extreme stress, the kind experienced after the loss of a loved one, is associated with changes in heart muscle cells or coronary blood vessels (or both) that prevent the left ventricle from contracting effectively. The symptoms are similar to those of a heart attack: chest pain and shortness of breath.”

— The Harvard Health Letter

If you saw your son was really sad all the time, and your wife was so sad she died from it, you would feel a little inclined to believe something runs in the family. Lord Montague cannot. Lady Montague’s death is indicative of how her own son’s depression developed: genetics and extreme stress. For a young male, there is a burst of violence, possibly seen in previous young males, creating a family cycle of depression and violence for the House of Montague.

…[In MDD] the parts of the brain responsible for regulating mood, thinking, sleep, appetite, and behavior appear to function abnormally. It’s unclear which changes in the brain are the cause of depression and which are the effect.

— Psychology Today

We’ve gotten use to Romeo and Juliet being a story about the effect, and not the cause of it’s hero’s death. Rather than a story on how love transforms us, it’s Romeo’s desperate need for love that merely reflects his own mental deterioration. This is seen through three pivotal dynamics of his arc throughout the play: extreme amounts of stress within his family and social environment, unrealistic expectations on how to resolve them, and a constant burst of episodes focused on deep pain and suicidal thoughts, all within a matter of days.

Romeo embodies so many facets of Major Depressive Disorder, it would be irresponsible for any adult to label him a naive lover boy. With what we know now, he’d be classified as a severely depressed teenager with life-threatening tendencies. His suicide is not the consequence of random misfortune, as convention would have it, but the logical result of combining a mentally ill teen boy with a much younger teen girl, who’s been given no resource to comprehend his unstable personality.

Like many of Shakespeare’s most important characters, Romeo was designed as a tragic hero in the ancient tradition of Greek drama. The audience knows he’s meant to die, and they’re there for the spectacle of seeing him fall. When Romeo and Juliet was first staged in the 1590s, it was a deeply moving poem on the mystery of fate, and how much of it is beyond humanity’s control. Today, it’s a perfect example of how mental health is central to our destiny, and crucial to understanding the course of consequences it generates in our own lives, scene-by-scene, act-by-act.